Someone much brighter and bolder than any of the panting crop poised to seek our attention and our vote before long said  that in elections, when all is said and done, a lot more is said than will ever be done.

Even so, that must not excuse such a blatant lack of humour and wit already running like an everlasting headache throughout warming-up rounds of a campaign clearly designed to prove that if you have half a mind to pay regard, that’s all you ned.

How we’ll yearn for a crisp one-liner to share on the doorstep or at dinner parties, something to match the dazzling style of Willie Whitelaw when he accused Harold Wilson of going round the county stirring up apathy.

Or the feisty goading of Victorian heavyweight Benjamin Disraeli who knew the difference between a misfortune and a calamity when it hit him: “If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity”

Even that laugh-a-decade charmer Charles de Gaulle joined in via the Eurovision link with: “A politician never believes anything he says, so he is always amazed when other people do.” 

Mix in an old Italian proverb about governments being like babies’ nappies – they need to be changed often,  and for the same reason – and it becomes all the more imperative to rediscover a little bit of fun to see us safely and sanely into the  polling station whenever it calls.

I’m pleased to report exclusively how the burgeoning Norfolk Independence Party is determined to adopt a more cheerfully positive stance on big issues, “Get more quips wit the Nips” is a promise bound to impress many of those fed up with boorish tit-for-tat antics of mainstream politics.

While the Nips are reluctant to reveal certain key features of their moanifesto – “other parties will steal them and claim them as their own”  explains leader Kirby Cane – it is clear subtle ploys to avoid any further cash-for-access scandals rate highly on the agenda.

“We can sort this out quite easily by making it completely free for pensioners and indigenous remnants when it comes to car parking, cinemas, theatres, football matches, keep-fit classes, whist drives and any remaining public toilets left open for business in the county” said fiscal spokesperson Win Farthing.

It’s also believed the Nips are considering their own version of the NDR – a No Development Rebate for local councils brave enough to take on the expansion bandwagon careering across the county. There are rumours  as well of compulsory purchase orders for second homes to make them available to first-time buyers

I asked Kirby Cane about a leaked repackaging idea to place “United” in front of the party’s name. “Oh, that was just a joke invented by my deputy. I happened to agree that ‘Unip’ could muddy the waters a treat. After all, we want to confuse as many people as possible who like to vote against something rather than for it.”

His deputy is Lt.Col Stratton Strawless, party elder statesman and defence secretary, who still favours a Norfolk Home Guard rather than a South-East Rapid Research Force independent of Nato.

He was away on manoeuvres in Little Hautbois when I tried to contact him last evening. 

One of the most colourful and entertaining figures to emerge on the hustings so far is ant-tourist spokesman Hick Ling. He has been empowered to produce a new Norfolk logo using the mundane, the obvious and the downright annoying in a positive way.

To questions about rising numbers of visitors he answers: “How short-sighted to even start talking about attracting more just as we’re getting rid of the last lot!”

Best ideas for an alternative Norfolk brand to counter the “cheap ruse” of using cosy traditional images like windmills, wherries and cathedral and church spires will go before a special meeting of the Nips Nimbie (Never in my bewtifully idyllic environment) sub-committee.

Early favourites include trundling tractor with exasperated traffic queue behind, rustic pensioner thumbing a lift, crossroads sign with three arms missing, a pile of steaming manure with insomniac cockerel on top and a boarded-up public toilet.

High-level talks about closer links with Suffolk may well be delayed until after the general election and resumption of East Anglian football derby clashes between Norwich City and Ipswich Town in the Championship. scheduled for December 16 at Portman Road  and April  6 next year for the return at Carrow Road.

“Feelings are bound to be running a bit high among both sets of supporters and we don’t want  to be seen as either gloating or patronising” says Dick le Burgh, another Nips elder statesman and ambassador to Southwold. He was a useful wing-half with both Fakenham and Stowmarket in his younger days.

In the meantime, he and his colleagues aim to keep on chuckling along the rocky roads to autonomy either side of rhe River  Waveney.

“Perhaps proper local wireless stations for Norfolk and Suffolk with free accumulators  will be back in fashion by the time we make even more sound use of our common ground and continue to glory in our proud differences,” added a smiling ambassador.