I was working with a woman’s group recently when the subject of friendship came up.

If you’re a regular reader of this column, you’ll know how much importance I attach to us having an active social life.

Sadly though, as the years go by, our pool of good mates and family members tends to diminish because of people becoming ill, moving away, or dying.

For that reason, I believe we all need to focus on making new friends every year. 

But when I said that to this particular group, I noticed one woman shaking her head. Then she said: “I’m 62 and I don’t remember the last time I made a new friend. Is it even possible at my age?” 

Her comment led to a fruitful discussion about how friendships change as we go through our lifespan, and how our mindsets need to change with it. 

When we first made friends in our early school days, we almost became clones of each other, didn’t we? We wanted the same shoes, the same ponytail, the same sweater – and we wanted to read the same books and play the same games. We also thought we’d be great mates forever. 

But that was then, and now is now. And as we all know, getting older alters everything as we negotiate where and with whom we are going to spend the remainder of our life.

In the past year alone, two close mates of mine have moved away – one to Wales and the other to Australia – so that they can be nearer their children and grandchildren.

I miss them. 

And it’s because of such situations that we should keep topping up our tally of pals.

Easier said than done, I know, but it is possible. However, we need to be open-minded to new options. We cannot expect to find someone who will fill the hole left by a really old friend, and who will provide the same support, understanding and love. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find a different sort of pleasure and companionship with someone new.   

So where do we find these people? 

Well, a good rule is to accept every invitation that comes your way even if you don’t think you’re going to like the occasion.

Also, get more involved in where you live. Can you help with the village fair, or start going to your community cinema or pub quiz? Evening classes are good sources of new mates too, as are choirs, theatre groups, local political organisations, dance and other exercise classes. What it comes down to is making an effort to create opportunities where you have a chance of expanding the number of men and women you know.

It’s also beneficial to accept that though we may be shy, others may be even more timid, and that if we want to enlarge our social circle, we would do well to become the sort of person who can speak to strangers or welcome a new neighbour to the street.   

My friend Suzie decided to move 200 miles so she could live in the same village as her son, his wife and their children.

She still thinks she did the right thing, but obviously her family have their own lives to lead, and she found she was spending an awful lot of time alone. However, she joined a choir and now there are several other folk in her locality that she knows and likes. One of them has become a good friend despite being much more outspoken than Suzie and having completely different views on politics and religion. 

When Suzie told me about her, she said: “It would have been so easy to turn my back on this other woman because of our differences. But I’ve hung on in there and now I value her company even though we disagree about rather a lot, because we laugh at the same things and enjoy cooking lunch for each other. Without doubt, her presence in my life has helped me to be happier and to feel less lonely."

I think Suzie’s experience demonstrates how in this period of our lives, we often have to make compromises we probably wouldn’t have made when younger. It can also help to open ourselves up to the idea that we can make friends of all ages.

A woman I know babysits regularly for her neighbour, and she’s become very close to one of the children she looks after, who is a rather serious and quiet little boy of 11.

He likes to chat to her and now she is teaching him chess and is amazed at how much fun they have in each other’s company. Despite an age gap of well over 50 years, they enrich each other’s lives. 

So, let’s not forget that very often we have more in common with all sorts of people than we might imagine, and that there is joy to be had from celebrating what unites rather than divides us.